Rape, sexual assault, boys, girls. It is on everyone's minds, including the minds of every media outlet available. First there was Steubenville, and then there was our Canadian version in Cole Harbour where Rehtaeh Parsons lived, and died.
We spend a lot of energy talking to girls about how to avoid rape but now, finally, the conversation is turning to talking to boys about respecting and expecting consent. In other words, teaching not to rape.
But it's not an easy conversation to have and it starts very young. We should be teaching all kids about boundaries -- that the words 'stop' and 'no' have weight. Even professionals have a hard time with it. I asked Marnie Goldenberg, a mother of two, a lawyer, a sexual health educator and the person behind Sexplainer.com to write about how she spoke to her 8-year-old about sexual assault and how she was planting the seeds of informed consent at a young age.
In my 13 years of parenting, I have watched more hours of kids TV than I can count. Often the shows don't even register anymore. Or at least they only register when they are offensive because of overly sexualized and rude conversations (see Zack and Cody and many others).
When my daughter started watching Doc McStuffins, I thought, that's pleasant. And forgot about it. But after reading this article about how Disney Junior's Doc McStuffins has started a movement amongst African-American female doctors in the U.S., I'm planning to putting it on 24/7.
Anne of Green Gables is the book for me. I love Anne with an E; her red pigtails getting pulled by future husband Gilbert, her tart tongue and propensity to talk herself into and out of trouble. She is the heroine of my childhood and untouchable.
I am probably in the minority in my love for political conventions. It doesn't even matter what party it is -- I love the intrigue, the last minute deals, and most of all I love the feeling of hope.
The Ontario Liberal Convention this weekend was all of that and more. At the end of the third ballot with two women in the lead, Kathleen Wynne was elected Liberal party leader and the Premier-designate of Ontario. She also happens to be a lesbian.
She addressed the issue head-on in her speech:
Is Ontario ready for a gay premier? You've all heard that question... Not surprisingly, I have an answer to that question," Wynne said. "I do not believe that the people of Ontario judge their leaders on the basis of race, sexual orientation, colour or religion. I don't believe they hold that prejudice in their hearts.They judge us on our merits.
I don't know how long Wynne will remain in the Premier's office, but in the meantime, I hope to pass on to my kids a few reasons why it is a great thing that Wynne is out and proud:
Her name means "light breeze" in Icelandic but the government of Iceland just calls her "girl". Fifteen-year-old Blaer Bjarkardottie is suing the government to allow her to use her given name legally.
In Iceland, parents must choose from an approved list of 3,500 names. Blaer is not on the official list of girl's names because it takes a masculine article and no gender-ambiguous names are allowed. Blaer's parents appealed the decision when Blaer was a baby, but the government turned them down and used the term "Stulka", meaning girl, as a placeholder for her first name.
The parents left "girl" as her legal first name and continue to use Blaer in daily use. The government has responded to the suit by saying that their job is not about "personal taste" but about upholding the law. Icelandic names must have Icelandic grammatical structure and Icelandic roots -- Kelly and Konrad were recently rejected but for some reason Elvis is okay.
Blaer's story has made headlines around the world. With many in North Ameria aghast at the idea of the government limiting first names. (Though, I'm sure some of us would love to be the arbiter of names so that naming atrocities stop happening.)
Laura Wattenberg from Babynamingwizard.com has a interesting article on how different countries limit names, including Portugal and Denmark. She was on CBC's The Current recently, with a very thoughtful approach to the idea of what is in a name. Seems that Quebec also has a strict policy on names.
So what will happen to Blaer? Will she take Iceland by storm? Will there soon be a bevy of odd and crazy names happening in the small, Northern country? I doubt it, but something's coming.
Should parents be able to name their kids whatever they want?
Her father-in-law Charles, Prince of Wales, and his wife Camilla have been sending her boxes of the delicate shortbread made by the Prince's Duchy Originals line. Lavender is a traditional anti-nausea cure, so who knows maybe it works? (An aside: the picture in the Sun article is by far my favourite of Kate, she looks so natural there.)
When 13-year-old Gregory opened his brand new iPhone, it came with a contract -- not just from the provider -- but from his mother. And it is a long one.
Janell Burley Hofmann wrote up the 18-point contract covering everything from privacy to porn to music to reminding him to look out the window. The mother of five's post on the contract has over 1,000 comments on the Huffington Post, and has been labelled "the first viral sensation of 2013." The contract's popularity shows our deep-seated fear of our teens' love of technology.
In a totally biased, non-scientific way, I have decided on the biggest parenting stories of the year. These aren't the stories that got the most clicks (Jessica Simpson may own that title) but these are the stories that had us talking in the schoolyard and online and are the ones that we may remember in years to come (unlike what's her name.)
Just like last year, we were told that parents from another country were doing it better than us; we ruminated on the impossibility of work-life balance and the shape of motherhood and we mourned the loss of innocence. And if we got it on.
The 2012 Biggest Stories in Chaos: (in no particular order):
You know when your kids are fighting about something trivial and they are both at fault; neither of them are listening to each other, they're kicking and punching and maybe even head butting. Perhaps they are fighting over who gets to cuddle with the dog, but the dog ends up getting a little beat up in all of the fracas.
You have two choices: sit between them and negotiate, or send them to their rooms. But for negotiating to work, there has to be some buy-in. So you have a choice: send them for time-outs, or give yourself one and hope that they learn to co-exist.
Welcome to Ontario's educational system. We have two sides unwilling to negotiate with each other and our kids are the ones suffering.
The blank page is a little bit daunting today. There are lots of topics to write about, but really there is only one thing that I can think of. The violent loss of 20 Grade One students in Connecticut hangs heavy on every parent -- no matter where you live, or how old your children are.
There is really no good way to talk to your kids about an act so brazen and so violent that you can't talk about it without crying yourself. How would I tell my 6-year-old that girls her own age were hurt in a place they consider safe? That teachers and the principal lost their lives for those kids? So I chose not to tell my 6- and 9-year-olds. I'm not sure if that was the right decision; I'm not sure if someone will say something at school or not. But for now, that is what we've decided.
My 12-year-old had to know, as he is out in the world. Before I could do that, I compiled someideasfrom experts to keep in mind when talking about this tragedy:
Emma Waverman writes five days a week about the chaos of modern family life here at MSN.ca. She is the co-author of the family cookbook Whining and Dining: Mealtime Survival for Picky Eaters and Families Who Love Them and is hoping to one day to finish her certification as a parenting coach. She lives with her three kids, ranging from tween to grade schooler, and husband in Toronto. Emma has written for a variety of national parenting and lifestyle magazines and papers. When she’s is not making typos, telling you what she thinks, and thinking about dinner - you can find her on Twitter at @emmawaverman. You can contact Emma at embracingchaos@hotmail.ca
