Emma Waverman writes about the chaos of modern family life. She is the co-author of the family cookbook Whining and Dining: Mealtime Survival for Picky Eaters and Families Who Love Them and is hoping to one day finish her certification as a parenting coach. She lives with her three kids, ranging from tween to grade schooler, and husband in Toronto. Emma has written for a variety of national parenting and lifestyle magazines and newspapers. When she's is not making typos, telling you what she thinks, and thinking about dinner, you can find her on Twitter at @emmawaverman. You can contact Emma at embracingchaos@hotmail.ca.

Subscribe to the Embrace the Chaos feed.
Search
Follow me on Twitter
Join Us On Facebook
Shout-Outs

Canadian Family's
18 Mom Bloggers We Love

2013 Canadian Weblog Awards nominee

Solutions for Moms across Canada

I'm a Blissdom Community Leader!

I'm Speaking at BlogHer '12

Entries in facebook (2)

Thursday
Mar272014

Breakthrough New Parenting Study Is A Must Read

I was going to write about all the new parenting studies that tell us we are bad parents. You know the ones that scare us, chastise us, and go against the last instinct that we have managed to hold onto despite every media organisation, Facebook link and bitchy parent in the schoolyard telling us we are wrong.

Last month we killed babies with swaddling, gave them ADHD by taking Tylenol, hurt their horomones by using plastic; we didn't give them grit and worked them too hard. We over-managed their homework and taught them bad math. We texted too much, they texted too much. We gave them dumb names. 

We do everything wrong. And if there is a moment when you think you did something right, someone, somewhere is ready to refute you.

But finally an article came out from the esteemed New Yorker magazine that got it right. It was a small article but it's resonance was large. Under the low-key headline New Parenting Study Released, is this finding:

A recent study has shown that if American parents read one more long-form think piece about parenting they will go fucking ape shit.

One example:

Frieda Duntmore, a thirty-nine-year-old Baltimore-high-school teacher and the mother of twin six-year-old girls, recounted standing in line at a supermarket, reading a magazine article about how being a parent sucked, and then recalling that, that very morning, she’d read another article, which said that being a parent was awesome, and that anyone who didn’t have kids might as well just take their own life. “All of a sudden, I felt my skull start to split right down the middle. I put my hand up, and there was literally blood there.” Duntmore paid for her groceries and fled. “About fifteen minutes later, my skull pieced itself back together, so I figured I’d forget about it,” she said.

Yes, the article is satiric. No such study exists. But it could, couldn't it? 

How many times do you read about a  new study and get that feeling in your gut, the one that tells you that you are the worst parent ever but it's too late to change. These parenting "hate reads" are common fodder of parenting magazines, blogs and newspapers (I am guilty as charged as well.)

They get passed around Facebook pages and discusses on the schoolyard, no parenting theory or parent is immune from the sounds of contradictory evidence. 

The (fake) parents in the (satiric) study from the New Yorker chose to deal with it this way:

... they began a protocol of recovery. They cancelled their Facebook accounts, and they go online only when absolutely necessary. If they leave their house, they wear horse blinders, which Waterson’s husband, an inventor, has adapted for human use, and which can be purchased on Waterson’s Web site. Upon greeting other parents, they hand out pre-printed cards (also available on their Web site) that read, “Please do not talk to me about my children or your children, or children, or schools, or schooling, or learning, or Tae Kwon Do, ballet., etc. Also, please ignore the horse blinders.

“Most people just smile and walk away,” Duntmore said. “But, once in a while, someone wants to talk about Crimea, which is a treat.”

We could all use a pair of those blinders. 

Tuesday
Jan142014

Since the Pope Didn't Use The Word Discreet Can We Drop It Too?

Pope Francis, the most laid-back Pope in recent memory, invited an audience of new moms to breastfeed in the Sistine Chapel.

In short he okayed public breastfeeding in a religious place, and by doing so, also in your local Target.

He said in his homily to families awaiting baptism:

“If they are hungry, mothers, feed them, without thinking twice. Because they are the most important people here,” he said.

Notice what is missing here. He did not say, you can breastfeed here if you are discreet, or if you cover yourself with a holy hootie cover. He said, feed your babies, and I hope those women did.

Discreet has become a code word for those who are still squeamish about a woman feeding her baby in public. Discreet means -- 'I guess it is okay with me if I don't see your breasts at all'. There is something a little shameful hidden in the word discreet. So if a woman gets banned or kicked out of a store -- it's because she wasn't "discreet" enough. Perhaps, she was "flaunting", the ugly,  loud sister of discreet. 

Generally, there is very little breast shown during breastfeeding. But occasionally, nipples do happen. Nursing mothers are generally  more concerned with their babies' hunger than your comfort level. And so it should be. And that is the meaning I read into the Pope's words. 

 It is strange that the Pope, an old man with no children, is the most powerful person to ever stand behind public breastfeeding. I guess Beyonce or Gisele Bunduchen is next in line, and then maybe Pink

 A multi-tasking Gisele Bundchen

I hope the church ministers heard him, and also the flight attendants, the mall security and the powers-that-be at Facebook and Instagram. I especially hope that those people who seem to make a full-time job out of leaving comments like "I don't urinate in public, so you shouldn't breastfeed in public" heard the message. (And I have read many, many of those.)

But most of all, I hope the Pope's message spreads to the people who need to hear it most -- the new mothers who feel uncomfortable and humiliated by feeding their hungry babies. 

Another man, Jon Stewart summed it up one tweet: