Gwenyth Paltrow. I find it possible to love her and hate her in the same minute. She is so annoyingly perfect and smug and yet has moments of realness.

But this post isn't really about her. It is about an issue that she brought up in a recent article in Harper's Bazaar in which she mentions bathtime in her house.

This wasn't the post I was planing to write tonight, but given the night I've had it is what I have come up with.

My 11-year-old son was in a funk and feeling cranky and down. He was lying on my bed when he did a funny, jerky head move and banged his head on the corner of my bedside table.

It obviously hurt and I went over to check out the situation and as I was soothing him, I noticed blood - never a good thing.

Sleep. It's the most elusive, fleeting, annoying, talked-about, and aggravating part of (early) parenthood.

With your first, no matter how much preparation you have had, there is absolutely no way that you are ready for the relentless attack on your sleep patterns. You will cry tears of exhaustion and bitterness. You will reach out to friends, strangers and professionals for answers.

But there are no answers on how to get your baby/toddler/preschooler to sleep. Nothing you will buy, read or pray to will prove to be the magic thing that does it. But looking back, there are a few things that helped me get through those sleepless nights and get my kids to sleep:

Everywhere I turn I keep hearing about Elf on a Shelf. Parents in the schoolyard are talking about what a wonder it is, there are news reports about it increasing the magic of Christmas, and it is all over the Internet. And now there is even an animated TV show about it. There are even funny but not suitable for little children photos.

What is this new "family tradition" of The Elf on a Shelf? It is a wooden elf that comes complete with storybook. The Elf, so the story goes, has magical qualities; he watches the kids during the day and then goes back to report to Santa each night. The Elf is a playful little guy so he re-appears each morning in a different place [note to parents: you have to remember to move it nightly], to scare... I mean... observe... no, I mean delight the children each day.

My friend Tracey Ruiz is the Sleep Doula. She goes and works one on one with families so everyone can sleep a little better. She will even sleep on the floor of the baby's room to help comfort a night-waker. I only wish I met her a few years ago, and maybe I wouldn't have lost so many brain cells to sleep deprivation. I asked her if she could do a guest post for me on some of the crazy toddler antics she has seen over the years. I found non-sleeping toddlers to be way more stressful than non-sleeping babies - babies are supposed to wake up all the time but toddlers are supposed to give mommy and daddy a break.

The Sleep Doula's Five Craziest Toddler Antics and How to Get Them to Sleep

I’ve been working in the trenches with parents of babies AND toddlers for years and I have seen it all. So often my clients feel ashamed or embarrassed when they first approach me to help with their non-sleeping toddler. They say it’s acceptable for babies not to sleep but not a two-year-old. The fact is, kids will be kids and they are much smarter then we ever give them credit for. To prove my point, here are my top five craziest toddler experiences AND tips on how to overcome troublesome, yet super adorable, little negotiators. Even in these extreme situations, you’ll be able to pick up a few tips to help you too!

I remember it well. I was walking past my son's room and I could hear my husband singing:

"The drunks go walking two by two, hurrah, hurrah. The drunks go walking two by two, hurrah! The littlest one smells like skunk, and they all go marching down around the town boom, boom, boom."

The fantastic lyrics went on from there and I can tell you that they are unprintable.

Goodnight air

Goodnight soup bowl

Goodnight Mr. Nobody

Goodnight garage that needs cleaning

Mama! It does not say that!

What? Huh? Oh sorry, honey.

Nothing like reading one of the classics for the hundredth time after a long day and a big dinner to have the snoozes hit you like a ton of bricks. Your eyes start to water, the head bobs set in and then the incoherent babbling starts.

I hear the pitter-patter down the hall, and the flying thump as she hits the middle of the bed. “Mummy, let’s snuggle,” says the sleepy voice as she wraps her arm around me and she is back asleep.

I am awake now, but I don’t really mind. She is my last baby, and after the years of fretting about having kids in the bed I now like it. In a few short years I will be sleeping through the night without disturbances (except the ones that come with aging) and I will miss our 4 a.m. snuggles.

Every time I slip my hand under one of my kids’ pillows with a twoonie in exchange for a tooth – I feel a little bit guilty. I hate lying to them about the Tooth Fairy. I know it’s crazy but for a split second I wish the Tooth Fairy was real.

I don't do the make believe stuff very well, my inner cynic just doesn't let me. So when the kids stop believing I take it as a sign of maturity and I don't mourn their loss of innocence. My eldest hates all instances of parents lying to kids but somehow his belief in the Tooth Fairy made it through the priamary grades, perhaps because of the cash incentive. (Santa was the first to go and we don’t do Easter). When he was about seven he said to us, “The only reason that I believe in the Tooth Fairy is because what would you do with all those teeth?” Well, dear son, we lose them all. That’s what.

The screech of the delight from a rewarded child is a good way to wake up in the morning, but the howl of desolation when the Tooth Fairy forgets is not a good way to start the day. Like most families with multiple kids we have a slightly dysfunctional relationship with the Fairy, which means sometimes we forget to put the money under the pillow. The excuse we offer for that is that she was too busy and she will definitely visit the next night. And usually (if we remember) the next night a twoonie and maybe even a little extra will be placed under the pillow with a note from the Tooth Fairy regretting her belated visit. 

As if parenting isn’t anxiety-producing enough? Last week, Maclaren strollers were recalled because of hazards to babys' fingers. And now 2-million drop-side cribs from Storkcraft are deemed hazardous, it feels like each week  there are recalls of commonly used baby and toddler toys. How does anyone keep up?

Luckily, we are out of the stroller and crib life, so unless the Wii is recalled, we are going to be okay. But I really feel for the parents who own those recalled cribs.What kind of night do they have ahead of them?