What If You Are Disappointed In The Sex Of Your Baby?
Did (or do) you imagine a little girly girl holding hands with you as you skip down the street to have tea? Or did (do) you imagine explaining the parts of a truck to your tough little son?
Were the dreams dashed by the reality of having a baby that was not the same sex as the one in your fantasy life? (Not that you can't skip and have tea with a boy or inspect trucks with a girl -- I certainly do.)
It happens: it doesn't make you a bad parent. Often people do have a secret longing to have one sex over the other, but usually people can work through their disappointment quickly to love their child, no matter what he or she turns out to be.
“When a mom finds out she’s having the opposite gender desired, she starts telling herself little stories about why this gender is going to be a good thing. Like how, if they’re having a boy and they wanted a girl, they get to avoid the dreaded teenage years,” explains Dr. Brizendine. “It’s called active reframing and it starts immediately. If there is any real disappointment, it often barely rises to the surface and the woman doesn’t even realize it’s there.”
Experts suggest that if you are really keen on having a certain gender than you should find out earlier, rather than later as time will help remove the sting of the disapointment.
But if the disappointment drags on, like it did for friends who told me at the christening of their son that they only had a third child to have a girl, then some intervention to help reframe what gender is about may be needed.
“First, try to get to the root of why this issue of gender is particularly important to you,” suggests Dr. Brizendine. “Then, talk to another woman who has gone through the same experience. If you continue to struggle, make three sessions with a therapist to help reprogram the news of the gender so it’s not so disappointing to you.”
A couple learned the sex of their baby-to-be live on the Today Show as part of a package about a new earlier, genetic screening (which Matt tried to make controversial to no avail). Dad looks happy but the mom looks like she maybe had some preconceptions.
But I'm sure they will disappear as the pregnancy develops.
Were you disappointed with the sex of your baby? Even for a second?
Want more chaos? Last year, I wrote about swearing preschoolers, thanks to Modern Family.