BFFs?: Can Mothers Be Too Close To Their Daughters?
I have a friend from high school who had the coolest mom. She could talk about anything with her mom. Her mom even gave her beer and they got matching tattoos when my friend graduated.
So cool. The rest of us with mommish moms were so jealous.
So cool, until my friend needed a mother. Then it wasn't so cool.
The older my friend gets, and as she became a mother herself, she realizes she doesn't need another pal - she needs a mom. And as she gets older she realizes that she is turning into the mother of her mom, while her mom is the perpetual teenager.
That is an extreme example of when moms and daughters get too close. But we live in a time of extended youth - fashion, music, entertainment is flowing upwards from the teens to us "old" people. Formerly taboo topics like sex are discussed much more openly. Which makes it easier for mothers and daughters to be close.
A recent study says that mothers and daughters get closer after college graduation.
But can you be your daughter's best friend and her mother? Is there a line that can be crossed?
Yes. But as I only have a 6-year-old I'm not there yet. The Today Show did a segment on this topic and one mom says that her daughter tells her everything because she thinks that everyone needs a "safe place".
I like that. I want to be that soft place to land for my kids, but with limits. And I welcome all the details they are willing to divulge without judgment. But I won't return the favour with every intimate detail of my life, that's why I have friends. Our generation is re-writing the rules about the formality between parent and child but there are lines. Those lines may be different for each family, but surely there must be some.
And that line comes way before matching tattoos.
Want more chaos? Last year, I asked if you kissed your kids' on the lips. (No line there for me!)