Mommy Wars: Fact or Fiction?
I am a stay-at-home (the annoying-sounding SAHM) mom. Or maybe I am a work-at-home mom (the pretentious-sounding WAHM), or maybe I am somewhere in the middle, but it works for me.
It's not an ideological thing with me, it is just how it worked out. My best friend since childhood is a doctor, the exact opposite of my free-floating lifestyle and that works for her. We don't feel any competition over our choices. It is just how it is.
Keep reading to see some of the funny/offensive things people have said to me over the years...
We have talked about our regrets and our wishes, but don't judge the other one's choice (in fact, I think we are most often envious - in a grass is greener kind of way). I think when people say things that are hurtful they are generally trying to justify their own experience and their own choices. As if putting you down makes them feel better. Because as any mother will tell you: there is no 100 percent correct choice.
That said, I'm sure that I've said hurtful things to other moms, just as some people have said them to me. Some stick and some don't. Some of my favourites include:
I don't understand, you are at home? But you were such a superstar. (thanks, I think)
My mother is very confused at your choice. (So is mine)
Do you feel like your graduate degree is wasted? (um, no but I'm thinking any etiquette classes were wasted on you)
When are you planning to go back to work? (I think 2020 has a nice ring to it)
(Check out these lists complied compiled by Liz at Mom 101 and Candy at The Laughing Stork of some offensive things that have been said to them.)
The funny thing is that I'm pretty sure that those comments did not come from moms who work. Or maybe they did. I don't happen to divide the world up into mothers who work and mothers who don't. I just may divide the world up into women who enjoy making crafts with walking geese and those who don't; or more likely women who are obsessed with Twilight and those who aren't; or even moms who allow their kids to watch TV and those who ban it; and most likely: women who love to eat and those who don't.
I think, as does my BFF, that the whole idea of a "mommy war" is media generated. Sure, there are lots of mothers out there who may question my choices: to stay home, to breastfeed, to use disposable diapers, to have three kids, to allow them sugar, to live in downtown T.O., to write about my life. I have had as many stay-at-home/work-at-home moms disagree with me as working moms. Probably more.
So I am sorry if I ever offended a working mom (for lack of a better term) at some point, and I'm sorry if I offended you if you like to make duck crafts. We are all doing our best.
Has anyone ever said anything to you about your choice to work or stay home? Do you think you have ever offended someone?
Want more chaos? Last year I posted an interesting video by Bobby McFerrin that suggested music is innate.
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