Unfortunately, there is a great divide between what parents want for their kids and what kids want. We parents like it when toys have an equal amount of learning potential and play value (ie. the kids play a for long time without our intervention).

Kids like toys that are loud, garish colours and have tiny pieces that we step on in the middle of the night. This leads to a natural tension around the holiday season as we want our kids to be happy but we don't want to be disrupted by their toys. For example, kids love toys that play the same song repeatedly and they especially love it when that song drives mommy and daddy crazy.

The mommies at The Bump feel that these are the worst baby toys to get, and they are pretty close; especially with the ban on stuffed animals. Those things proliferate in our house but luckily our dog performs a sort of natural selection on them to keep the population down.

Sometimes people with no kids ask me what they should get their niece/nephew/godchild. And I always say that if you want the parents to like you buy them something like books or puzzles and if you want the kid to like you and you don't care what the parents think, buy them something from the following list.

I didn't want to make a scene, so I hugged him, squeezed him really hard and clumsily kissed him as close to his mouth as I could get. But then he was gone, pulling his suitcase awkwardly behind him, and he never glanced back -- not once.

My 10-year-old son left for 10 days to Venice and Rome with my mother as a birthday present. Years ago, she decided to take each grandchild away to a destination of their choice at the age of ten. I think the date snuck up on us faster than either of us had expected. And yes, my son did choose Rome. He likes ancient history and gladiators and, thanks to Percy Jackson, Roman and Greek gods, but he doesn't like pizza so we'll see how it goes. (And yes, I'm jealous.)

When it comes to disciplining other people's kids here are my words of advice: make sure the parent is not there.

Every kid is an evil monster at some point. Every kid does something wrong, steals blocks, throws toys and causes problems. Some parents don't see it that way and some parents don't do too much when their kid behaves badly. But it doesn't matter if a kid throws cake at your paintings, pulls your dog's tail or paints your furniture; if his or her parent is there and you want to have a relationship with that person you have to keep your finger wagging to yourself.

I think I've made it clear that I'm not really a keener mom when it comes to organizing school activities. I just think people who are well-organized should do that work.

The training ground for the keener moms is being a class parent. And gift-giving time is the class parent's time to shine. The trend at the neighbourhood schools is to collect money (usually around $20) and buy one large gift. The class parents stalk you with their big brown envelopes and cards to sign and discuss gift cards versus presents. Let me be clear, I love that they do all that work; I think one big present is way better than 23 apple-themed mugs. But with three kids all the talk can get annoying.

Dear Cindy,

I am overjoyed at your pregnancy and even a little envious of you and all the new things that are about to happen to you. Since we are such old friends I know that I can be honest with you about the dark side of some of those new things. I don't want you to say to me, as so many new moms do: 'Why didn't you tell me about [fill in blank]?'. As a cynical mother of three I will not sugarcoat so if you want to stop reading here, please do. If you choose to go no futher then I want to leave you with my congratulations and the knowledge that you will make a wonderful  parent and that even though some moments will be rough -- the joy and texture of having a child in your life far outweighs the dark times.

Here are the things no one tells you ahead of time:

I am so tired of the saying: It takes a village to raise a child. I know it does. We all know it does, we all know that mothering a baby can be isolating and boring and you can use a few extra hands… and if you are breastfeeding – extra breasts.

As clichéd as the saying is, in the village days babies were swapped around and breastfed by sisters, friends and wet nurses. That was normal. In our modern-day normal we find the idea of breastfeeding another baby a little icky, or maybe a lot icky.

The idea of sharing breast milk has come to the forefront because the FDA and then Health Canada issued a warning against the informal sharing of unprocessed breast milk which is on the increase because of Facebook pages like Eats on Feets (like Meals on Wheels, get it?) which helps women who don’t have enough milk find women who are want to donate their excess milk.

I remember when I unwrapped her. She was so beautiful I couldn’t wait to get her out of the box. She was blond with brown eyes that opened and closed and an up-to-the moment red plaid pantsuit (it was the '70s).  My four-year old self didn’t even know I wanted her until I saw her but once I did I knew that she was the one. I called her Pepsi.

I have no idea why I called her Pepsi. She was hard plastic, the kind of plastic that dug into your side if you rolled on to her, but she could be posed and become the perfect tea party guest. Pepsi and I went everywhere, even when her plastic leg kept falling off, I would click it back in and keep going.

It was the kind of magic that we parents hope for when we buy gifts, but it doesn’t always happen that way.

I don’t know the details of the soccer team’s long road to obscurity at Northern Secondary School. What I do know (from almost every media outlet) is that 17-year-old Emil Cohen stood up at an athletics assembly and criticized the school for not supporting the soccer team, and then earned a suspension.

I stood on the same stage as Emil Cohen, walked the same halls and sat in lots of assemblies (never for athletic achievement though) at Northern, which is a large, complex school of close to 2,000 kids. We students pushed the limits of good taste, respect and academics at Northern – a school I loved for its diversity and size (not to mention I met my husband there).

Other than their constant media connection, I’m guessing that teenagers haven’t changed that much since my time in those corridors. They are smug and feel their opinions deserve to be heard. Emil Cohen wanted to say something about a lack of support for his sport and he did.

Modern pop music is more illusion than reality. Sometimes it is hard to know when the artifice ends and the real person begins. I'm confused and I'm not sure how much our kids truly understand the extent to which pop stars are manufactured for their enjoyment (and by enjoyment, I mean consumption).

But the Japanese popstar Hatsune Miku is beyond even what the most savvy of marketers could pull off. She is a completely artificial 3-D hologram created by Crypton Future Media. You can purchase this singing avatar and write songs for her to perform. But what is amazing is that Miku has done "live" shows with live musicians in the background and thousands of fans singing along to her hits. She is a bonafide rock star in Japan.

I have some experience with picky eaters, so much that I turned it into a book and now I have found myself in weird twist of fate as an "expert" on the topic.

So, in case you were wondering how a dedicated mother and good cook could have a picky eater I am presenting a how-to guide on creating a picky eater: