Is There Such a Thing as a Good Divorce?
There is a thoroughly modern idea that there is a "good divorce." That if the parents follow a list of dos and don'ts the kids won't be scarred, in fact they may even be healthier than in a stressed marriage.
But there is evidence to suggest that there is no such thing as a good divorce, and there is evidence to say that the kids are better off. The research is completely inconclusive and I certainly don't know the answer. I am a child of divorce -- my parents split when I was five, which was quite the news in the early '70s.
I only know from my personal experience that divorce gives children a feeling that world is not quite what it seems, that security is not to be trusted and adults are selfish.
That said, I am a fan of divorce. I would have hated to see what a bad marriage would have done to my parents who went on to have fulfilling relationships and successful lives. They always did a good job of making my sister and I feel cared for, and we still have family meals together; so in many ways they had a "good divorce" -- or at least they shielded the ugly stuff from us. I assume my life was better because of the divorce but that doesn't mean that there aren't still scars.
I have also seen how a divorce has freed some of my friends from dead marriages that were harming their sense of self. They and their kids are thriving in their new environments.
But still, I find the term "good divorce" troubling.
What is your experience with divorce?
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