"I have arranged my candy in a way so that I can see if it has been disturbed," said my eldest son as he finally walked away from his precious piles and into bed after Halloween last night.

I doubt that he would notice if I pinched a Caramilk bar but I wouldn't chance it. The wrath if he did figure it out wouldn't be worth the minute of satisfaction from the sweet treat. It is like this every year. He is our family hoarder. From candy to toys, his room is filled with whatever falls under his tyrannical hoarding instinct.

Once Upon a Time there was a very bright boy who couldn’t read, even at the age of seven.

This saddened his parents very much. They were very concerned about their son who knew his letters at the age of two but couldn’t string three simple letters together five years later. They ran around the kingdom looking for answers. They consulted wizards and old women asking them why can’t our son read? What have we done wrong?

I received the panic call from a good friend at 6:00 pm. “My son searched, well, he saw some stuff online that he shouldn’t have.”

“Oh?” My interest is piqued but the quesadillas are burning so she’s not getting all my attention.

“He and his friend searched naked teens and I’m pretty sure they saw some porn.”

She’s got my attention now! Those quesadillas can burn to a crisp! Her son is eight. Yes, eight, and he is a lovely, normal kid. Just like your kid and mine and like most kids he is curious.

My friend was alerted to the searching by the dad of his pal. Now she was left with the knowledge that her son had most likely seen some uncomfortable images and she had no idea what to say to him. So she checked online and you know what happens when you look up how to talk to your kids about pornography you end up inadvertently seeing a lot of pornography. It’s that easy.

Thanks to my friend’s son I will now tell you how to talk to your kids about porn. Do not ask what sites I had to go through to get you this information. Let’s just say I would like to wash my eyeballs. Now please take my advice so the whole experience was worthwhile.

I want to know: How does your kindergarten handle snack?

Remember when snack was some animal cookies and apple juice? Well, not anymore. Between the food police and allergies snack has become one of the hottest topics in  mommyville.

Why does Halloween have the reputation for being the scariest night of the year?

Candy that has been tampered with, costumes long enough to trip over, knocking on strangers’ doors, walking in the dark in the middle of the street. Honestly, what could go wrong?

Well according to this report, lots.

But in my neighborhood Halloween is one big block party and I refuse to let fear override the fun.

At the age of 21 my friend Gayle ran into her parents’ room in the middle of the night and said, “I’m gay.” Her small-town Alberta parents looked at her, said: “we know,” and fell back asleep.

She was expecting a much different reaction and later told me that it was anti-climatic, all the secrecy, the stress and anxiety and then that was it?

In the last generation, our mothers burned their bras (euphemistically at least) and worried about girls breaking through the barrier created by low expectations. But now it seems the pendulum is swinging and it is the boys that are in trouble.

I have two boys and I want to know: What does this trouble look like? The Globe and Mail newspaper spent the week looking at the issue in the Failing Boys series. It seems that boys are falling behind academically, dropping out and plugging into video games; being diagnosed with ADHD at alarming rates and have fewer mentors, and lower expectations than girls. 

Just like Coach Sue Sylvester, the Parents Television Council is handing out arbitrary condemnation from on high to the McKinley High Glee Club. They are slamming a recent cover shoot of the Glee cast in this month's GQ magazine.

The sexy photoshoot, featuring Glee stars Lea Michele, Dianna Agron and Cory Monteith, has the girls all tarted up in schoolgirl form with the requisite lollipops and pom poms. It is tasteless and an obvious attempt to sluttify the prim Lea Michele. But does it cross the line into child porn?

Erica Ehm spent many weeks looking for a live-in nanny for her two kids. She thought she knew what she wanted but she surprised herself by liking and hiring a former supermodel. And now the Yummy Mummy has a former supermodel living in her house, taking care of her kids, cooking her meals and tidying her house.

A 6-foot, blonde, beautiful model in her twenties. (Read Erica's take on it here.)

When did Halloween become a vacation day that needed a two-day lead up? In fact, Halloween may just be my full-time job for the next week. But I know I am not alone, Halloween has become a national obsession.

I have scoured the Internet and the stores for the “right” costumes. (Don’t judge: I have to take pants to the dry cleaners for hemming, there are no homemade costumes around here.) I have to buy more spider webbing to decorate the house and buy three perfectly round but not too enormous pumpkins and somehow cart them home.