June 30, 2010

OK Kids, There Are Some Things I Would Like Back

It seems that there is a trend of parents suing their estranged children for support when they are old and infirm to broke to pay the bills. It is a sad story and one that is getting increased political and legal attention.

Needless to say, I hope not to be in that situation where I am estranged from my children, broke and needing cash.

But there are a few things that I would like back from my kids:

IQ points: My IQ seriously declined with each children. I obviously donated some extra to them,and I would like to regain some of smarts.
Memory: It may be related to the IQ issue. But I would like to remember why the hell I went upstairs to get something.
Grey hair: The time and money I have wasted on getting my hair coloured I would like back
My breasts: breastfeeding + time. Enough said. (Though my stomach could use some elasticity back too)
My patience: I never used to have a temper. And now I yell. I would like my calm deportment back
The ability to have a sustained phone call: Actually, the ability to have an adult conversation
That little piece of foot: You know the one that was there before I stepped on the 56 Lego pieces on the floor
Sleep: Hours and hours and hours and hours and hours
My heart: when you have children you give up such big pieces of it, you never feel whole again. I don’t know how those parents lived being estranged from their children. I never could.