Report Card Anxiety is Catchy
The first time I opened up my first-grader’s report card, I was shocked. He had letter grades and they weren’t all A’s. It seemed downright mean to be grading a six-year old who had jumped from majoring in playdough to reading in a different language.
But such is the harsh reality of school. Kids get graded and it isn’t always what we parents expect. The other thing I had to get used to is that talking about report cards is like asking people how much money they make or who they vote for. They will dance around the topic, making vague statements to give you a rosy picture of the situation. Or they will downright lie.
If you are currently staring at your child’s report card wondering if the kid who sits in class is the same as the one who sleeps in your house, you are not alone. My best friend and I have spent a lot of time discussing the report cards of our grade ones and despite the fact that the Toronto Board has simplified report card language (yey!), we are still confused.
In my friend’s case, her daughter is a very bright and energetic kid who seems to be getting on the teacher’s nerves. There is no other explanation for the comments and treatment she is getting in class. My friend wonders if the teacher really knows her child at all beyond her gender and bad pencil grip.
Meanwhile, we are lucky to have a teacher who wants to understand how each child thinks and learns. But our son’s report card is underwhelming, heightening my fears that he is not motivated to learn beyond the bare minimum. And the teacher notes that while he is an incredibly warm and caring child he is not always meeting his academic requirements. What does this mean? (Place mental picture of a goth here)
At the same time, I am not a report card fanatic. I don’t think that a C+ is going to sentence my child to academic purgatory for his whole life. My friend said to me today: “Who looks at these things? What will her C affect?” My answer: nothing except his self-esteem – but only if you let it.
My experiences have taught me that sometimes teachers don’t see a child’s strengths as much as they see their weaknesses. As a parent, I know I can do that too. I only have three kids to obsess over at night, and while I want the teachers to go home and ruminate over each and every student, I grudgingly will allow that they may have other things on their mind.
We are both heading into teacher-parent conferences this week and I am trying to prepare some questions that will actually lead me to answers on how to motivate my lovely, quiet middle child. My friend is trying to re-adjust her attitude and ask how she and the teacher can work together so that the child feels appreciated and challenged, the teacher is not being harassed and my friend can sleep at night.
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