Have You Been Away from the Parent 'hood?
I said a tearful goodbye to my 10-year old this morning as he headed out to the airport for a birthday trip to Houston with his grandfather. He was totally prepared to go, it was me that was the problem.
I realized that I have not been away from him for more than four nights in 10 years – a decade. How did it get to be that long? I do not consider myself someone who is co-dependent on their children. I have a nanny, my husband and I go out, they have sleepovers. I do not worry about them when they are not near me, I try and have a semblance of an independent life. But despite all that I have not spent more than five kid-free days since the day I gave birth. (Is it more pathetic that both times I have been away for five nights/four days has been with my mother?)
My husband has been away from us for more than four days (though it is usually work related). To be honest, sometimes I am glad to see my hubby go (and I am usually ecstatic to see him return). He travels for business and the whole time away he has all these different and adult experiences but I am still on the parenting hamster wheel.
As Dr. Phil says, you only do what works for you (or something along those lines), so obviously on some level I can not leave my children for extended periods of time. The thought of my husband and I taking an airplane across an ocean and leaving them completely paralyzes me. It is the constant irony of parenting you want time without kids but feel unable to take it.
Reminds me of what my mother used to say about saying goodbye to us when my sister went off to sleepover camp. She said that as soon as the bus pulled away all the parents would start clapping and talking about their travel plans, meanwhile she would be standing there crying. If we can ever convince this kid to go to camp, I will be standing there weeping.
With Aaron gone, the whole energy of the house is different. Two kids instead of three is a helluva lot easier to handle, feed and get to bed. I think that is one of the universal truths of family life, that no matter how many kids you have, as soon as you take away one it’s easier, (though who knows if the Duggars would agree maybe in their case you would want to take away five or six in the middle). My friend with five kids is happy when she is down to four and ecstatic when she is down to three.
It is interesting to see how the dynamic between the kids change, the younger two who are usually united against Aaron are now fighting. Sam has taken on some of Aaron’s instigator tendencies like lording over the TV remote and being overly critical. I guess it’s true -- your enemy’s enemy is your friend.
I spoke to Aaron this afternoon as he was sitting beside the pool having a mango smoothie and the “best fries ever”. He added that the grandparents liked the bar a lot too.
What me worry?
Have you spent time away from your kids? Have your kids left you at home for extended periods? Do you and your partner travel without kids?
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