Wow, Emma, where to begin. I totally agree with you, except that I don't understand the motivation in keeping one's single (patriarchal ) name at yet giving one's children, their father's name. Patriarchy is NOT carved in stone, even though our society is saturated with male-oriented language.
Susan says "fear of the "patriarchy"...well Susan, patriarchy is merely a phrase, it's an actual cultural belief that has its roots soley in religion. It certainlin ISN'T 'fear'...it's a legitimate dislike and distate for a male-run society/world.
James: you mentiioned 'destruction' of family tradition and traditional family values. Think of it as a necessary 'evil', a social inconvenince if you must. Like feminism, traditon IS a .....choice. Tradition is fine if that's what most people grow up being taught while feminism is a social, political and economic belief in equality.
I for one, do not want to be defined by my marital status. I'm referred to as Mrs. Doe sometimes and on hospital forms where my first and last name (father's) is typed, I add...to enlighten the hospital and government, that I am married and I'm not a Mrs. If that's not something the hospital clerks or administration are used to seeing...that's their problem, not mine.
Emma, I like your t-shirt...SURNames NOT SIRnames. Unfortunately, Mr. doesn't represent marital status unless a man is wearing a ring. A woman who chooses to conform to social standards, is defined by her marital status. When she's single, she's a Miss and when she's married, a Mrs. 'God" forbid she keeps her single name and married. My spouse and I went to a hospital out of town for me to have a procedure and he was referred to as Mr. MY last name. He didn't say anything, however, I did because I don't like assumption on anyone's part.
I guess this is for Jodi: My spouse and I, we are....family....children NOT necessary. I AM a feminist and that means social, political and economical equality with men, for those who don't understand, despite or HATE the term feminist. Feminist has long become the f-word to mean 'man' hater because traditionalist don't understand what feminism REALLY means. I have no problem with traditionalist-minded people as long as they don't insist on telling me....who I am.
Jod: My answer to you in a word...patriarchal woman!
Me: A mostly typical male response, more like a man threatened by the idea of a woman he's about to marry or who asks her to marry him, keeping her OWN identity even if it's her father's name.
Me: " You (I'm guessing you must mean Emma here) write B.S. articles to make yourself feel better about ...something. You're the type of man I would not give the time of day too! No offense, but your attitude borders on insecurity.
Grace: "If you loved him enough to marry, wouldn't you want that written in your HIStory (HERstory?) Me personally, I married the man, NOT his last name. His mother was a VERY traditonal Italian and my spouse and I, we wrote our our wedding announcememnt and she had already, without consulting us FIRST, wrote her OWN announcement, cut it out of the local newspaper and when we both saw her next, she showed it to my spouse, he read it and handed it back to her and gave her an unsolicited opinion. From that time on, until the day she died, she hated me because I didn't fit into her concept of the woman she wanted her son to marry...a "nice" Italian 'girl'. Because I chose NOT to be conventional with a mind of my own, she made every effort to ignore me as a human being whom she despised, plus, we had no relationship whatsoever. She never accepted me as the future spouse of her only son nor made me welcome in her home.
My mother married post WW2 in an era when women called themselves by their "maiden" names. That was the culture during that time period. It was sociall expected and women didn't question social convention then and that was SIXTY-FIVE years ago and STILL the same problem exists. I doubt that our society today, in the 21st. century, is ever going to progress where those women who choose to keep their single names, won't be presssured to change once they get married or are questioned about what name their children will have if the woman hyphenates her single name with her spouse's single name. There is the idea that not all feminists think alike, so why call Emma a hypocrite or contradictory just because her children have their father's surname. She's not necessarily being going against what she believes. That's her choice and... and NOT taking her spouse's surname/last name, doesn't mean she is a social feminist.
My single name IS my father's surname and yes, it's patriarchal and I've despised my father's last name for as long as I can remember, however, until I find a name I lilke, that expresses my social and political beliefs, I will be keeping his name.
There is a woman, a philanthropist, who took her spouse's last name. They divorced and now she's know as....NancyRuth....legally.