Strong Reaction to Name Changing
"Wow. I was completely accepting of your opinion up until the remark about losing respect for people who take their husband's last name. I understand that you have your beliefs about this matter, but what we do with our lives and our names is our business. If you truly do believe so strongly that our names make us who we are, and belong to us, then you should agree that we have the right to do whatever we choose with them. If we are not as attached to our names, and choose to give them away and become a part of our new husband's family, who are you to tell us that we are wrong in doing so? A name doesn’t make a family. But it doesn't make a person either. We are more than our names. We can be strong, independent women and take the last name of our husband. If you can't, that's your problem."
Emily, and other people who commented to this effect, correctly pointed out that the real issue, when it comes to name changing, is about choice.
When I wrote the post on my opinions of changing your name I wanted to be clear about how I felt about the issue. I didn’t realize what I firestorm I was releasing.
Part of it is my fault – when I said I lost a little respect for people who choose to change their name, I meant that I do not respect that particular decision, not that I have lost all respect for the person. I have lots of respect and love for people who have changed their name and I will continue to do so. (Unless they write really vitriolic, angry comments on my blog calling me lots of names.)
It is not a cut and dry issue, I did agonize with what name to give the kids, and I do feel bad that we are not a team under one name/one banner. I am happy that there are so many different options out there for couples like hyphenating or making up a new name all together. I think that if my husband and I were to get married today (as opposed to 12 years ago) we would explore both of us changing our names because that just seems more fair and less tied to the exploitive history of name-changing.
But the bottom line is that I am happy that I live in a time that I was able to make that choice for myself, as can others.
It looks like this will be an evolving discussion. Please check back on Monday when I will post some thoughtful comments on both sides of the issue.
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